I was right, I had Chris busted for stealing shopping carts, which he was cutting up to sell for scrap to buy drugs, which is bad, period, and Sarah isn't speaking to us. Even if that destroyed the friendship, it will be better for the girls in the long run, and maybe better for Sarah if she ever gathers the courage and sense to leave Chris.
Alex still isn't in school. He won't do even basics, and once I'm legal to drive again I can fix that, but everything takes time when you're as far behind as we are.
I hope he gets past this phase, but I feel it will last a little while.
And Judy needs to get better, fast. Something is wrong with her digestive system, aggrivated by pills, but nothing I say or do changes anything.
Whatever is wrong with her needs surgery I think. I only hope it doesn't destroy her.
I want her well, but again nothing I say ever seems to matter.
Meanwhile, I wait, lonely, celibate for the most part, watching my best years fade in sadness, and what I want to make me happy never materializes.
If she had it in her to approach me, be my friend, woo and romance me, I might feel different, but it has been years, and I'm mostly resigned to the fact that she just doesn't know how to give herself completely to anyone, at least me anyway.
It takes that, there isn't any real devotion going on there. There has to be a willingness to lose yourself to find your partner, and what is best within yourself. But all the talk about everything to make it there is just that, and I am sick and now unable to be giving on that level without it coming my way first.