I overspent doing the kitchen and making loans, but we'll get through it. This year Judy cost me $300 in pills from running out early or ER visits, or better, really more like $400, and at least t$1,000 in smokes and $1,000 in "to go" food, but she will soon bitch about things with no fault going her way.
I need to work, but my shoulder and knee and elbow are fucked and fucked royal, and I can't. I didn't cause the problems either. I fell and hurt my knee in an overcrowded holding cell for an arrest that was wrongful, caused by Wickedy and my twisted by her son, and on a bus that hit a van and sent me forward into the next seat and tearing something drastic in my elbow and shoulder. I can't lift with my left arm over midchest and my knee keeps giving out.
So now I can't work and the offers I've had I can't do. I had to hire Darryl to do things I normally could. That sucks.
Judy says she understands, but I wonder.
Steph took off again, with a carload of sheets that were $180 in cost and $300 sold, or $120 profit. She's messed up and getting worse running away from things. When I get my license I'll track her down.
This will be her last chance. I don't mind trying to help someone once or twice, but you don't try to save that which will drag you down or hurt you.
Judy is still couchy grouchy, and Alex defiant and Judy promotes that with how she acts and what she allows and doesn't see it. She's quick to make me a bad guy and doesn't see that either.
Meanwhile, I'm left untouched and unloved, and I'm not helping her much anymore until she starts treating me like I deserve.
Helene and Darryl are together a lot, but Darryl takes that for granted, mostly because he can't let go of his ex and can't deal with pushing past that pain, and denies it. She would be good for him, and they can have an open thing and she'd stay right there with him. Why does he get the luck? If I had it like that I'd have life on the terms I wanted them for years and knew long ago and liked and thrived on.
Things will work. I feel it, it just might take some time. I just hope my body heals so I can get back to work. I've set a goal of getting back in college and will work towards that. Then to get them into some kind of therapy, and Alex in school and caught up. I love him and am losing him and neither he nor Judy see it is because of the wrong signals Judy has sent, and the wrong permissions. Alex is smart, very smart, but the "so smart you're stupid" thing is coming stronger. It will hold him back and hurt him. He doesn't see how much I love him, how alike we are, and won't take my advice. I can't help it life went this way. Judy bitches about her pain, but my physical pain is often intense, teeth gritting pain. I just deal with it and try to hold it all together.
I can't get Judy to stop smoking, stop using nasal spray, BC powders, or eat healthy... So many habits I detest, that are bad, and there is no compromise. That is selfish. Now Alex is learning that selfish and hateful and bad habits and attitudes that will alienate him from others and destroy his dreams. He wants to join the military but those habits will destroy that dream, and he just won't listen, and I want him to reach his dreams, but he uses me as his scapegoat and used her blame and avert responsibility techniques, then my anger over injustice to defend that.
The other real problem is his ability to accept others even when their choices are against his. That is what World War Two was meant to defend, the rights of freedom, and he doesn't see how anti-that those views of his are.
How do you instruct someone you love when someone else you love has destroyed and corrupted many of your pathways with them and thwarted your authority with them because they are sick in many ways and can't or won't admit it. I don't have addictions, and I can set goals and reach them and seem to be the only one around here working like that.
It's like having the ability to create a prize winning sand castle and big waves keep crashing on it.